Money, Money, Money

Dear Sheryl Sandberg,

When you wrote your book to tell women to lean in, did you presume that every woman wanted power and money money money, in a rich man’s world?

Did enjoying those precious moments with your child not outweigh the green stuff filling your bank accounts?

Have you always had a healthy relationship to money and believe that most of us do?

I have a story to share. Once upon a time, I was the victim of tuition-bullying by the cashier department at my university every term when I couldn’t make the payment in full and had to string out my tuition in smaller chunks. I first had to wait in the longest line where over half of the student body were marked as “those on financial aid”. The short line was for students who’s parents paid in full. Then the yelling would be more comprehensible as I moved closer to the front of the line. Finally I would take a deep breath and pray that she wouldn’t yell when I’d whisper that I only had $1,800 to pay against a $$2,500 bill. I remember crying in my dorm room at night at the beginning of every term when tuition was due and after enduring the mean cashier’s wrath. I promised myself then that I would do everything to avoid being considered less of a person because I didn’t have enough money to pay for something. It occurred to me, a decade later, that having money was immediately tied to a higher sense of self worth and feeling comfortable in one’s skin. Coming from having little to no money, I was always questioning if I deserved where I was at in my career, even when I worked my tail off to get there.

Thus began my ambition. I have been money motivated since then. And obsessed with being the hero in my family (which is probably why I also have an obsession with Marvel Comics) and with being on track to save the people in my small world by providing financial support where needed.

And I was even on track through a growing family, but I’ve realized I have become more and more miserable when I have no time with my children. Now it’s crystal clear that I can’t sustain my corporate ambition because, unlike your spouse who stays at home, my husband likes his career, too. So it would be a little self-serving for me to say that my income potential is higher than his. First off, I’m not sure it’s true, but we’ve both made choices that are keeping us right at that middle level of income now.

Is this everything I could have imagined? Career-wise, not exactly. The sacrifices have been really really difficult. I’m finally working on something that I find exciting and fulfilling all at once, but I’ve recently been faced with increasing debt from a bad condo investment just before the real estate bubble bursted, and allowing it to suck us dry in order to bring enough money to close the sale to a new buyer.

But being a parent IS the most exciting, fulfilling and important job in my life. It’s more than I had ever imagined it would be. More important than being the superhero. All I can hope for is financial safety – the feeling that my children’s future will be taken care of until they are capable of taking care of themselves and beyond college. Isn’t that the American dream?

Sincerely,

Emotionally fulfulled, mentally taxed, financially depleted, leaning sideways