I am a strong believer that, as a leader, part of rebuilding or newly bridging trust with workers, peers, or all employees is to share some sense of being human – your vulnerability. I am not talking about confessing to epic mistakes, or admitting failure daily, or even lacking confidence. In fact, it takes confidence to share vulnerability.
Leaders can create an effective balance between absolute confidence and humility. And it takes self awareness to do this authentically and appropriately in subtle and overt ways. Nothing is more interesting than hearing a success story that is filled with flaws. We want to know that leaders failed, too, or had a moment of truth that became a turning point in their decision making and resulted in a happy ending.
Of course, that balance is so very delicate. I recently advised a friend and law professor against standing at the podium and making a declaration to each class that they cannot expect to know everything, because she (as professor) doesn’t know everything. She explained that this campaign line was becoming a department wide initiative (to prevent students from depression from less than perfect scores). Normally I’d cheer her on as a leader sharing her human vulnerability and being more authentic for it. But my intuition immediately told me that this was not the right approach for her. Something was wrong in the way she modeled what and how she might say it.
Women are still the minority in tenured positions at universities, and they are finding they need to continue to prove themselves in male dominated structures. In addition, it’s not only with colleagues, it’s with students too. She shared an earlier story about a male student who was condescending toward her in front of the class and how she had to counter his negative tone and put him in his place. Because of that story, it had me thinking about how she might do both – ensure she is considered the smartest person in the room while sharing her vulnerability as a professor who never stops learning.
The last thing we want as female leaders is to put ourselves on display for criticism by peers and/or students. It has to be framed at the right time and in the right way. In her case, I believe it’s critical that she own her individual message, not just say what everyone’s saying. Maybe a part of me feared that it felt and sounded like a script that she was expected to say immediately, not a genuine gesture of self-awareness that she could incorporate in her own way, and in her own time. In all of the messaging out there for what and how to be a leader, the most important thing any of us can do is find our own truth in the message, not to simply relay something we’ve heard because we are supposed to.
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