Do you have someone you look up to, a role model or mentor, who is a woman? Who is it, and why?
As a woman in our society, I often look around me and wonder how many female leaders I can count in this country or in the world? Personally, I’d like to step into a visible leadership role more and more, to be a role model for other women looking for good examples.
My wake up call? Several years ago, a friend of mine told me matter of factly, ‘You need to stop looking for your boss to be your mentor. It’s time you become the mentor’. I knew right then that she was right. Here I was in my mid-30’s and it didn’t necessarily exonerate me from behaving like a good role model. Being 30-something or 40-something or even 50-something also doesn’t mean we stop learning or aspiring for greater things.. But she was right. It shouldn’t (and I say the taboo word, “shouldn’t” here) give anyone the excuse to just look ahead toward our own ambitions, without giving back. Isn’t that a part of what management is? Rallying resources, caring for them, giving back? In the military form of management, it means you get top notch training to fight and the support from your leader that he or she’s got your back (and they’ll keep you alive). Wouldn’t you want to trust your management in the same way?
Two days ago, I walked in on a tough conversation between the customer service manager and her subordinate at my regular coffee shop. I’ve known the manager now for a few years and have always said hello, and we’ve been extremely conversational. I even gave her some maternity clothes recently when she found out she was pregnant in her mid to late 20’s. I’ve known for a while that some of the baristas didn’t like her after she was promoted three or four years ago and, those that knew the before and after version of Jana, didn’t like the “after” version. So they all quit over about a year.
Well, after this encounter, it occurred to me that she didn’t have any training nor really understand the power that she had over this fairly new barista. And while she was arguing about work flow and something trivial (to me) like where he should put the cups, it was an extremely serious conversation that she probably should not have been having so fiercely. It could have been constructive (and not in front of me).
Honestly, it immediately changed my opinion of her. And yet a part of me feels that she represents many managers out there (including my own). Are they looking out for us, or themselves?
The other day, I was having lunch with a friend who runs a company and she was telling me that she is still trying to work on how to feel like she is deserving of her leadership role (to eventually transition to owner). It amazed me that someone so respected had so much self-doubt. And yet why should it be surprising? We are all very human and some of the greatest leaders have self-doubt. I suppose it keeps us all in check, and honest, about who we are.
One thing she said which has stuck with me is that she asks her subordinates, after a big client meeting “how did I do”. As CEO, she wants input from the trainee to the newbie to the senior level executive.
How would you feel? Would you be honest if your mentor asked your opinion, or would you simply focus on the good and not discuss the bad? Would it change your opinion of him / her?
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