You Don’t Have to be Friends with Everyone

A few years ago, early during a brief tenure with a fair-sized development agency, I led a one-day training of management skills for a group of about 15 managers.  I gave an overview of management styles, teams and empowerment, communication, decision-making, time management, delegation, and performance reviews.

 

Most participants were new to management.  They appreciated the overview of basic management topics.  They came to understand the difference between supervising and leading teams, while also learning about two-way communication and the relationship dynamics of successful teams.

 

After the workshop, one participant told me that she thought it was a pretty good overview except that she disagreed with my major point.  She said “You don’t have to be friends with everyone.”

 

I was confused.  I hadn’t talked about being friends with people.  Nor had I said that leaders needed to be friends with their teams.  What was she talking about?

 

Then it hit me – I had talked about empowering environments, collaborative management styles, principled negotiation, and effective delegation methods. 

 

Respect had been my central theme.  I talked about giving value and worth to other people, their skills, abilities, and views.  About being humble and listening to what others have to say.

 

This participant could not understand the difference between friendship and respect for colleagues.  And as I came to realize in the ensuing months at the office, she was a senior manager – but NOT a leader.

 

Successful leaders know what respect is.  Leaders show genuine respect to their teams.  And leaders earn the respect of their colleagues.

 

What about you?  Do you respect your whole team?  And as a (covert) leader, how do you demonstrate respect?

 

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