I have a friend, let’s call him Manny. Manny is a psychotherapist. The other day he was asking me about some of the common terminology in my field of work. When I asked why, he explained that his client was having some difficulties in her personal life, with relationships etc., and his assessment was that she was too caught up in complex work-related problems.
Here was my confession to Manny. (It’s easy to make confessions to a psycho-therapist.) I’ve been struggling my entire professional career with a strong urge to fix things. I see problems, I want to fix them. I hear of people’s random problems and I frankly hold back, but I still want to fix them. I look at my kids and, when they write their 3’s backwards, I want to fix it. I am a problem solver. And, in the corporate a.m. vernacular, this is a good thing. However, what Manny’s client is dealing with is not such a good thing. She is too good at her job. She is so high-functioning at work, she can’t function outside of work.
This is probably why so many high-positioned women I know have coaches or therapists. We are problem solvers. We multitask. We find gaps in the system and fill them. But we ultimately can’t work out why we are so emotionally exhausted at the end of the day. Or why we are not fulfilled, given how productive we have been. Shouldn’t accomplishment equate to fulfillment?
At the end of our discussion, I’d explained to Manny that I know that not everything wants to be fixed. People want to be told, and frankly not everyone wants to change. He laughed and said that his job is no easier. He has clients coming to him, but they don’t really want to be fixed, deep down!
At work, don’t try to fix the un-fixable. Really, if you are a high-functioning worker-bee, it’s time to get some support through like-minded individuals seeking balance or ways to enjoy your time away from work.
If you have stories, please share!
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