I was thinking the other day about why I’ve thought about needing a wife when I was working full time. I have a wonderful husband. He does more than cook. He helps with laundry and drop off / pick up when needed with the kids. He’s engaging. He’ll vacuum, sweep, and yes, clean toilets.
So why another wife? Many working women have dreamed of a wife (a clone of themselves) to take care of the household when both parents are in the daily grind. There are two key messages here.
First, we need three people to manage the family if both parents are working. Yes we get by with two, but really that’s about it. Getting by.
And probably the most controversial message is relating to gender roles at play. Like it or not, the traditional mom’s role was vital to keeping the family together. In a modern family, I know several gay couples who are parents, and I can say the same for the dad who is operating as the household manager. Now it’s on moms and dads to be the glue that keeps local neighborhoods and communities together. There is a persona represented, whether a male or female parent, that we strive to hold onto for our children.
Even if I agreed with what Sheryl Sandberg says against women succeeding, because there is some truth to it, it’s hard to teach a society new tricks. Especially over night. And I’m afraid her message is over-simplified and might not apply to many of us.
Whether an extra wife, husband, manny or nanny, it’s almost impossible to manage your household AND work full time AND be happy and healthy. Let’s face it, as we get older, suddenly success is not about joining the billionaire club like Sheryl has. With that net worth, she can massage and spa away so much stress that many of us cannot afford to do.
Success for me is about living a meaningful and healthy life with a loving family. It’s about being together with family and friends, through thick and thin (and I’m not just talking about my waist size!) Sheryl argues for narrowing the gap between men and women at the top. I’m all for it – but my biggest argument is that in order to do so, why should women ADAPT instead of CHANGE the rules. I want my daughters to be whomever and whatever they want to be – while being authentic to who they are. And if joining the billionaire club is it, then so be it. But maybe it’s not what everyone wants. Maybe some of us want to find a way to live a rich life in other ways. To live safely, and to work healthfully to cover our basic needs while providing every opportunity to our children. Not to work excessively just to cover our frivolity (like those boots on Amazon!). The latter means excessive work hours that I don’t want anymore. I’m leaning back, not leaning in.
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