Are you good when receiving constructive criticism, or do you get really really really angry? Or hurt? Or both, and it depends on the timing or delivery?
I grew up in a fairly blunt environment. I didn’t learn to self-edit before blurting out what was top of mind. And, in my reckless youth, I was always proud of my boldness, never really understanding how it might be perceived. Until… well, my friends during our late teens and early 20’s came along and helped me see myself. And they also appreciated learning what I saw in them, from a different lens. We might think we know exactly how we come across in a crowd, but unless we’ve been video taped during presentations, we don’t, we can’t possibly see ourselves the same way as others do. (I was appalled by how often I said “um” when I was video taped).
So who holds up that mirror for you? Hopefully it’s a friend whom you trust and who cares enough to share his or her perspectives without any agenda – constructive is still best. And in turn, it helps if we are open to the idea of hearing truthful perceptions. Hurtful as it may seem, if we can move away from the fearfulness of learning our mistakes, we can develop to become even better managers, peers, employees (and spouses, partners, parents). Despite these truths and feelings of vulnerability, you, me, we are just fine. We are ALL just fine. Even with our pimples or wrinkles.
I think the hardest part about this type of exposure is knowing that some friends or close colleagues don’t always like reciprocity – even if they like to dish it out. So, just as Tip of the Day Issue 3 states, there are times when it’s best to just listen and process, without giving feedback in return (unless really asked for)!
What about your experiences with this type of feedback? What stories or tips do you have for how it’s done well, or when it’s not done correctly?
Comments are closed.